I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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