it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
