Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
