Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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