That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.