Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
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Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy