The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
