I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
