I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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