you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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