fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize