My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
