His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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