she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
