i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
