I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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