So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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