Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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