So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
