Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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