that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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