i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?