exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.