I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.