i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda