I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.