dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
