I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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