I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
