just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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