It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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