At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company