i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother