i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I pour the whiskey from now on
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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