Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
