i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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