I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
