Can Purell be used as lube?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
