please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
