Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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