When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
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I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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