So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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