My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize