I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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