Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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