he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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