Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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