I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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