Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You are a genius and a whore.
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