she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.