I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.