Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day