I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?