wrigley field is MILF paradise
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out