Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Your cock deserves a montage
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.