im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
