A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm passing your future prison.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
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Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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