i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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