She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My balls are so social today.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
