People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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