I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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