If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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