Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
